We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
oh god the rape fog is back!
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
should my penis look like a turkey
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
