i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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