I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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