They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
