I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
She needs sedatives and a leash
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
