well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
