gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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