youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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