What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
