Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
