wrigley field is MILF paradise
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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