I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
