God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
