So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
