do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
