My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
