The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
