you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm too high and old for this...
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
