final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
