smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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