he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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