What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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