R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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