You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
