this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
