he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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