when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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