FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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