so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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