If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
