My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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