Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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