Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
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