There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
