So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
