If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
