is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
