So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize