Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
