Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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