its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
