Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
May the power of my ass compel you!!
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
