I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
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We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
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I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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