the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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