OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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