it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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