Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
