I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
