"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
