good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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