I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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