About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
