My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
