That's intense
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
