I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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