It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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