Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
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I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
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This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
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