I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
