i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize