fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
