I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
