youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
