Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
