I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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