dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
