No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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