Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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