Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
