Kiss
Puke
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
