But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
no, he came in my armpit
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
